June 22, 2017
It's 2:40 in the morning, and sleep just can't seem to find me. My body and mind are tired and exhausted. But sleep is still elusive.
Several thoughts are going through in my mind right now. Thoughts of what could have been and thoughts of what I want and wish the future would hold for me. My pains of the past and my hopes for the future. The people who left and the people that I just met.
A contrast of thoughts.
I will talk about now, my thoughts of what could have been. My mind and heart is full of questions. If I did things another way, how different would my life be right now. Would I be dealt with an entirely new deck of cards.
Now if you ask me, if I had the chance to choose would I do things differently, would I take it? A loud and resounding YES. I wouldn't have allowed myself to be tied to a person who I knew, and whom people I love are telling me is just trouble. I would make a life for myself first, before entering a commitment so life changing. I would have chosen a better partner for life journey. If I could, I would.
But dwelling on the what if's and what could've been is not me. I know that I've made a mistake and the consequences of that mistake have made such a huge impact on my life. But don't get me wrong. That mistake, though it had given me so much pain and heartache, is also the reason why I have so much joy and love in my life right now.
The pain that I thought would destroy me, had sustained me. It has made me stronger. More ready to face the hardships that life, like in a game of cards, continues to deal us with. I will not be who and what I am now. Without that person, that caused me so much pain. Pain that has changed me to become a better version of me.
